KC3 Essay - Dogun Hong

   The general outlook of Hawaii to many people is an island paradise. They think that Hawaii is pure and clean. They think the air is the cleanest as it can be. However, there are other perspectives, other stories and beliefs. There are many factors that contribute to air pollution such as burning fossil fuels for energy, planes, as well as driving your car (gasoline cars). Transportation is a big contributor to air pollution in America. In Hawaii, the horrible traffic congestion make it worse and the overpopulation as well as construction projects are not making it any better. The overpopulation and traffic is causing Hawaii's air to become contaminated the and it is becoming more of an issue. 
    Cars constantly driving in Hawaii cause loads of pollution to be dumped in the air. Cars and trucks almost creates around 1/5 of all U.S emissions, which means that the cars and trucks on the road is causing a havoc in our atmosphere. "Emitting around 24 pounds of Carbon Dioxide and other global warming gases for every gallon of gas (Paragraph 2 )." From these 24 pounds, about 5 pounds are emitted indirectly. They are sent out from retrieving the gas itself for the cars. However, it is still true that this is a lot of pollution for every gallon of gas. If we were to actually calculate the gallons of gas that people use in Hawaii and then multiply it with 24, the number would be immense. "our personal vehicles are a major cause of Global Warming. (paragraph 2)" Not only is Hawaii's air being contaminated, the temperature will rise as well. As a result, transportation in H
   The overpopulation in Hawaii is helping our problems to grow bigger and bigger. " 2014 resident population: 1,419,561" This is a big number for a small state. The majority of the residents are condensed in Oahu with more than 900,000 people living there. Now imagine what it would be with more than eight million people coming to Hawaii as tourists. Although they are not all staying in Hawaii at the same times, that is more than eight million people visiting Hawaii Annually. This data was a count in 2014. It is obvious that it would be hard to keep Hawaii the best it can be with this overcrowded island. "Honolulu is the third worst U.S city for traffic congestion (paragraph 4)." This is horrible news for us. An average of 88 hours are spent annually for driving. That is equivalent to more than 3 days of straight driving without any rests. By doing this we also neglect important things in life. Such as spending time with your loved ones such your family and your friends. As a result, all the traffic causes more time on the road with our engines on. Which means more time for the pollutants to escape.
   There are many harmful outcomes of the air pollution but there are solutions. "Carbon pollution is contributing to a higher risk of asthma attacks and more frequent and severe storms (paragraph 1)." The carbon pollution is not only causing environmental issues but it affects us people as well. Asthma affects a lot of people in Hawaii and the pollution in the air is making it worse. The pollutants in the air interfere with the respiratory systems of people with asthma that creates more asthma attacks. The pollution causes more storms as well, The solutions come in different ways. " cleaner fuels produce fewer emissions when they're burned (paragraph 6)." Cellulose bio fuels are examples of cleaner fuels. Electric cars are also solutions to the carbon pollution. Because electric cars do not burn harmful fuels, it is a much better transportation device. Hybrids are also another solution because they also use electricity as their fuel but they still use gasoline as their back-up fuel. As a result, the pollution caused by the cars cause health issues as more asthma attacks, although it can be solved by solution such as better fuel or electric cars. 
   A lot of the air pollution in Hawaii is caused by the amount of cars on the road and the harmful chemicals that come out of it. It causes health issues as well as environmental issues such as more severe storms as well as asthma attacks. Because of overpopulation and traffic, the air quality of Hawaii is going down and it is becoming more of an issue. As the issue gets worse, it is more obvious that we need to do something about. So as a result, we need to alert more people and try to solve this crisis.

3 comments:

  1. Overall, your essay was very well written. The information you included supported your thesis statement well. Your thesis statement was effective in leading into your essay. There was only a few minor sentence errors, like in the second paragraph, last sentence. Other than that, your essay was good. The writing had a lot of background information that was supportive to your thesis.

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  2. Your essay was really really persuasive. I was able to catch your purpose quickly. You pointed out many factors to the problem and how we are causing the air to be polluted. But I felt that there could be added more to your last sentence on your last paragraph. NOT EXACTLY "ADDED" as in to make the sentence longer, but to explain it a bit more, like HOW do we alert people? HOW are we going to solve the crisis? BUT if you feel like you should leave your last sentence like that, because it's actually fine, but what I said was just a small little suggestion, so you don't have to do it. BUT the sentence fluency, structure, and usage were very smooth and flowed out in a good order, and your personal thoughts enhanced the essay as well. ANYWAY, good job on your essay! It was really convincing and persuasive.

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  3. THE WEAKEST PART OF YOUR ENTIRE ESSAY, IS YOUR EVIDENCE. IT NEEDS TO BE MORE DIRECTLY RELATED TO HAWAII AND ITS AIR CONTAMINATION. ALSO, YOU NEED TO LINK THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE LIVING HERE TO THE ACTUAL PROBLEM. YOU ARE JUST STATING THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE BUT YOU DONT DIRECTLY CONNECT IT TO THE TRAFFIC AND THEN THE POLLUTION. YOU NEED TO FIND EVIDENCE THAT LINKS ALL OF THAT TOGETHER. AS(2+)

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