Coming Of Age Final Essay - Dogun Hong

       Everyone needs a wake-up call. For most of us, we get that call in our teens as we transition into the adults we will soon become. With that said, I got my wake up call during the summer before sophomore, as if preparing me for my sophomore year. Before the wake-up call that I received that year, I was reckless. Not reckless as in doing dumb things and putting my body in harm, but rather reckless with my words. I would always speak before I could even think of what to say. I would be harsh in my words because of that. I didn't respect the people around me. Not thinking of the consequences but rather being impulsive. I would yell at my mom when she asked for clarification, I would tease my sister for every little thing she does wrong, and I would even talk back to my dad when he would scold me. The worst part is that I didn't even realize I was acting that way until that one summer. 

         The aroma of the food my mom was preparing enveloped the entire living room. In the midst of her cooking, she was asking me what time the school was going to end the next day. Having heard this question almost every day, I replied to her irritated "check for yourself, mom." With hearing this, my mom That conversation sparked an argument between me and my mother for a few minutes. Although it was a senseless argument, I kept debating with her. 

   While we continued to argue back and forth, my dad abruptly yelled at me calling a fool and a bastard for arguing with my mother. That I was being so disrespectful, how foolish I was acting. This rush of power coming from my dad was unexpected to me. The reason behind this was because my dad would rarely ever yell none the less even scold me, as he was a tolerant man. His yell sounded as if he had been covering all his anger up until that moment. That, at that moment, his tolerance stopped and he let all his anger out.

   With feelings of confusion and fear, I immediately walked into the room as I closed the door behind me. No one entered my room after. Being isolated in the room, I didn't feel any anger toward my dad but rather a want to understand his perspective. The two things that I had in the room was silence and time, an ample amount of time. This time allowed me to try to reflect on what I have done to give my dad a reason for his anger. I began by thinking of all the mistakes that I have made. Not in my perspective but rather in the perspectives of others around me. This time of assessment allowed me to see how I have acted before. I realized how reckless I was with my actions. Especially with my speaking. Speaking even before I knew what I would say. Replying without any judgment whatsoever. As my thoughts ran through my mind, I felt a feeling of determination in improving myself. I felt anger rise up inside of me, not toward my dad but rather myself, for not realizing how I have acted in the past. I was determined to always to think before speaking. I knew that I needed to try and see the perspectives of those around me.

   Whenever I am accompanied by others, I always check their expressions and if they need help. I act based on their actions and the situation of the time. Whenever I have time before responding, or if I am just in a large conversation, I always think of how people would react to my words. I try to find the best use of the words to get my message across without misunderstanding or sore feelings.